To Be Human
by Skwiz
Summary: I own nothing. What does it mean to be human and how far is Kaneki willing to go? Sorry for any mistakes. Hope you guys like it - Skwiz
It had been slow a slow day at Anteiku where ghouls of the 20th ward would gather and indulge into the delcious taste of this shops specialty, its coffee. 'Its pretty slow today' Kaneki said out loud after just cleaning a table customers had left just minutes ago. 'Theres still plenty to do, get to cleaning those cups' Touka demanded while glaring at Kaneki. 'Right away' Kaneki said terrified at the thought of what would happen if he didnt do immediatly as she requested. Before starting to clean the cups Kaneki felt his stomach growl and could feel the hunger returning to him a hunger that haunted him before almost causing him to kill his best friend, without hesitation quickly poured him a cup of coffee and added two of his 'special' sugar cubes to it quickly stirring it to disolve the cubes and quickly taking large sips from the cup while Touka watched him. 'You have been drink those more frequently than you used to, when is the last time you ate?' Touka asked as Kaneki put the empty cup of coffee down. 'When the accident happened with Hide and Nishki' Kankei responded relieved after relieving his sudden spike in hunger appearing more relaxed.

'So you havent had any flesh in 3 weeks?' Touka asked surprised 'Ive been using these special cubes that Yoshimura gave me they make the hunger go away' Kaneki said while he started to clean the cups Touka demanded he clean earlier. 'You idiot, you know you still have to eat too, the cubes just help suppress the hunger not make it go away. Touka raised her voice at him. 'So thats why youve been slacking at work is because your not eating like you should'. Touka added. 'No its not that ive just been staying up late, school was tough before but now working here i get less time for homework i just need to sleep more' Kaneki said hoping she wouldnt catch his lie. 'Whatever, fix your schedule, because im not going to pick up your slack ill make you work twice as hard maybe then youll get the sleep you need' Touka retorted to Kaneki seeing his terrified reaction let her know the message got through to him. 'No that wont be necessary' Kaneki said while he rubbed the sweat off back of his sweaty neck. 'Then get busy' Touka said in a lower more serious voice while shooting him the most evil glare hed seen from her. 'Right away' Kaneki said in terror while quickly rubbing the cups clean with his cloth with an expression on his face as if hed seen a ghost.

'I didnt expect to work that hard today' Kaneki sighed as he walked out of Anteiku onto the sidewalk. Quickly talking a look back seeing the windows that were spotless that he had to clean and thinking of the other several things he had to do to avoid Toukas wrath. While he observed the pay off of his hardwork he felt a vibration from his phone in his pocket and pulled it out noticing a text from Hide. 'Hey Kaneki, i know you just got off and was wondering if you still wanted to go to the bookstore, since you owe me from not hanging out with me last time' the text read. Before Kaneki could turn around he heard a footsteps rapidly approaching him and suddenly two arms wrapping around him and picking him up from behind startling Kaneki. 'Hi Kaneki, sorry if i startled you, and i know i just texted you but i wasnt going to take no for an answer.' Hide Said while putting Kaneki down and staring with a wide smile. 'I was going to text you back yes' Kaneki smiled. As they walked side by side chuckling just like they had several times during the years they have been best friends.

'Hey lets grab a bite to eat before we get to the bookstore, a new stall opened up just last week its on the way to the bookstore and its delcious you have got to try it' Hide said with a smile on his face. 'Im not really hungry right now i just had a sandwich at Anteiku just before i left it was a busy day' Kaneki chuckled smiling at Hide, feeling bad for lying to him it never got easier Kaneki thought to himself. 'Well were still going, im starving' Hide said. 'Right behind you' Kaneki said as they both chuckled while going down the street. 'Here it is' Hide told Kaneki while pratically dragging him to the the selection of food the new stall offered. Kaneki looked at it all and wished he could eat all of it but knowing he couldnt without wanting to vomit. 'Here you go Kaneki i got you one of what i get, you have to try it its so good' Hide said while taking a large bite out of his share. Well this is good, ive been practicing eating human food hopefully i can fool Hide. 'Im not hungry but ill give it a try' Kaneki said while bringing it close to his mouth dreading taking a bite knowing it will taste foul but not wanting Hide to worry about his health like he had before. Kaneki took a reasonable size bite quickly swalling it whole hating every millisecond it was in his mouth and throat then pretending to chew hoping to fool Hide.

'So what did you think?' Hide asked curiously. 'It was pretty good' Kaneki smiled back at him. 'like i said before im not hungry but ill take it home and finish it later' Kaneki said as he put it in one of the pockets on his bag. '...About that Kaneki, i couldnt tell before but you are starting to look pale again, your not eating like you should be i thought you told me you were going to start eating better' Hide said to with a frown on his face. '...I have been, its just ... difficult, but i promise i am eating more than before' Kaneki said also frowning knowing that he hadnt been eating but his circumstance was unique. Hide turned to Kaneki with a serious and concerned look on his face 'Promise me, promise me you will eat Kaneki, i dont want you winding up in that hospital again. 'I Promise Hide' Kaneki said not sure he would be able to keep his promise and feeling terrible for making the promise. 'Well lets get going the book store is up ahead' Hide added while smiling.

While walking Kaneki began to feel the maddening hunger start to come again 'Oh no...' Kaneki thought to himself. Kaneki could start to smell a strong sweet smell that was delcious making him even more hungry. as they approached the bookstore Hide and Kaneki noticed a large crowd infront of them waiting outside the bookstore. With sweat starting to run down the forehead of Kaneki as the smell of human flesh is growning stronger with each step Kaneki takes with Hide closer to the bookstore with his hunger growing stronger and strong with the smell of human flesh. Kaneki stops walking standing still feeling himself surrounded by sweet smells. Hide turns around and notices Kaneki standing still not moving 'is everything alright Kaneki?' Hide asked concerned. Kaneki remained silent looking down feeling the pain in his stomach gowing almost too strong to bear, trying to think of a way to get away from everyone before he loses himself to hunger. 'I Forgot i have a project for class that is due soon and i cant afford to get less than a perfect score' Kaneki said just loud enough for Hide to hear. Hide let out a disapointed sigh being cut of by Kaneki 'Im sorry Hide, I Promise i will hang out with you tomorrow Hide, i swear it' Kaneki desprately trying to not lose himself to hunger and trying not to hurt his friend anymore than he already has. 'Youd tell me if you were having problems with anything wouldnt you?' Hide asked. Kaneki turned around hiding his face from Hide 'Of course Hide, im sorry but i have to make it home' Kaneki said while walking home feeling a tear run down his face, knowing he couldnt tell his friend the thing that was bothering him most, the struggle of adjusting life from a human to turning into a ghoul.

Kaneki rushed home trying to avoid being near anyone else trying to keep his sanity and calm himself down. Luckily he made it to his home not being near anyone else since hed left the bookstore, quickly opening the door to his home and closing it just as quickly behind him quickly rushing to his bathroom heaving into the toilet to get rid of the disqusting food he ate earlier to make Hide happy. Just after finishing getting rid of the food he had earlier Kaneki felt his phone vibrate again pulling the phone out of his pocket while leaning against the wall beside his toilet sees hes recieved a text from Hide that says 'Im here for you Kaneki and i always will be no matter whats going on with you if there is anything i can do to help you let me know. Kaneki couldnt help but tear up knowing his best friend knew something was wrong with him but he couldnt tell him and even if he told him there was nothing Hide could do.

Kaneki stood up and headed to the kitchen to get some water to help flush the terrible taste of what he vomited up out of his mouth. As Kaneki was spitting the water into the sink in his kitchen he felt the pain and hunger in his stomach return Kaneki quickly opened his cabinet for the special sugar cubes he recieved from Yoshimura to combat the hunger Kaneki was feeling, there were none. 'NO' Kaneki yelled to himself looking down to the ground in defeat. Kaneki smelled that sweet smell once again, very faint but the intense hunger he felt seemed to sharpen his sense of smell Kaneki approached his fridge and opened the door with his mouth watering trying to find the source of the delcious sweet smell he craved, something to free him from his nightmarish hunger.

Kaneki spots a brown parcel tied in string, instantly recognizing it. Reminding Kaneki of the night he learned he was a ghoul, and how it changed his life completely. It was the parcel of human flesh he recieved from Yoshimura, Kaneki refused to eat it and had been settling for the special cubes given to him instead. Kaneki grabbed the parcel closed his fridge walked to the kitchen table and sat down with the brown parcel laying on the kitchen table infront of him. Staring at the parcel Kaneki is flooded with emotions feeling tears run down his face.

'Why did it have to be this way? Kaneki asked himself outloud. Kaneki slowly untied the string from the parcel slowly opening the preserved human flesh causing more tears to roll down his cheeks. 'This hunger is causing problems with everything...my human life and my work...do i have the strength to eat human flesh, to survive because this is my life now? whoever this was they had a life...a family...a childhood ...dreams ...friends...how can i just eat that like an animal? I cant lose myself to hunger, i almost ate Hide...my best friend who has been there with me after i lost everything...i had Hide, Hide is the last family i have and im pushing him away because of this hunger, i cant lose him...' Kaneki paused closing his eyes as tears continued down his cheeks onto the table he was leaning on.

'...Hide, i made you a promise, i have to keep this promise because i cant lose you, then ill have nothing.' Kaneki whispered to himself. Kaneki slowly lifted up some of the human flesh and brought it to his mouth stopping just outside his mouth, Kaneki could smell the delcious sweet smell he craved reminding him of the night he learned he was a ghoul and was lured to a corpse, reminded of what he told Touka when she told him to eat, "if i eat that i wont be human anymore". Kaneki closed his eyes remembering all of the times hes shared with Hide. 'Hide, you are what makes me human, if i lose you then i wont be human anymore. To keep Hide and remain human, i have to lose my humanity and eat human flesh...' Kaneki whispered to himself. 'To be human, i have to be a ghoul'. Kaneki whispered to himself as closed his eyes with tears running down his cheeks, Kaneki opens his mouth slowly bites off some of the human flesh and swallows the human flesh.

Thanks for reading - Skwiz

A/N - Hey there i hope everyone likes it, i cant lie...this is the most fun ive had writing in my entire life i loved thinking the whole thing through and watching it come to life. I made this from nothing to complete in the matter of 4 hours or so (im not good at writing so thats alot for me lol) im very proud of myself for this and was very passionate throught the entire thing and i hope it shows. Im also learning things i like writing for instance i like inner conflict throughout a character being torn and emotionally distraught but enought about that. I really hope everyone likes it, at the very least i hope atleast one person likes it that alone would make it worth it. Im sorry for the several mistakes and errors im sure i made and of course lastly i thank everyone for taking time out of your day/night to read something ive written so thank you guys so much.

Thanks for reading - Skwiz


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